We’ve all been there. You said “YES” to the person of your dreams. For a moment, the hard part is over. No more hour-long FaceTime sessions with your bff as they help you find the single-most perfect first date outfit. The days spent mindlessly swiping faces on a phone screen are OVER. You found the one. You finally have a reason to belt all your favorite love songs. Now what? Planning. So Much Planning. Even the most intimate nuptials are not guaranteed the absence of wedding planning stress. Whether you’re days into your planning process or moments away from cutting the cake and dancing into a life of blissful matrimony, we have Mental Health tips for you. This week we talked to two Birmingham-based therapists and they have given us the tools we need for managing the wedding crashing monster, more commonly known as “anxiety.”
Meet The Therapists
McKinley Landen
McKinley is originally from Franklin, Tennessee. She received her Bachelors in Human Development and Family Sciences and her Masters in Social Work from Samford University. McKinley utilizes Person-Centered Therapy, Trauma-Focused Therapies, and Family Systems Therapies. She enjoys working from a client-centered approach, providing strength-based care to her clients. McKinley met her husband, Jake, at Samford and they were married in November 2019. They enjoy hiking, going on walks, and playing games! McKinley may look familiar because she is also a Bridal Consultant at Bustle and is often helping our brides say “YES” to the dress.
Melanie Darling
Melanie is originally from Huntsville, Alabama. She received her Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from The University of Alabama in 2015 with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy. Her experience includes helping people in the LGBTQ+ community and works closely with families and couples, especially those negatively impacted by addiction. She aims to understand your needs by balancing solution-focused approaches with person-centered values, and will guide you as you embark on your journey to become your best self, find meaning in your life, and strengthen your abilities to cope with hardships. Melanie lives in Birmingham with her wife, Jillian, and pets. She enjoys board games and creative endeavors in music and art.
The Expert’s Tips on Rejuvenating Mental Health Through the Wedding Planning Process.
1. Build a Daily Practice for Mindfulness
The experts recommend making time for guided meditation and intentional breathing. For meditation, the Headspace app never fails. There is a guided meditation for every stressor at a time frame that works with your schedule.
One of the most effective techniques for Intentional Breathing is known as: Box Breathing. In Box Breathing, the individual will spend 4 seconds breathing in, 4 seconds holding the breath, 4 seconds exhaling, and 4 seconds to hold after exhaling.
For people who are most captured by visual reminders, Melanie recommends putting a few stickers or post-its around your place. When one catches your eye, pause for a moment and breathe deeply and identify one thing you feel grateful for today.
2. Talk to Someone Uninvolved from Wedding Planning
Sometimes clarity comes easiest when you have the ability to vent to an unbiased party. Whether you spend time talking to a therapist or trusted friend, you cannot put a price tag on uninterrupted time to verbally process how you’re feeling. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or incapable when planning your wedding day. Talking to an unbiased party can help you discern what is outside of and within your control.
“Therapy is a great resource even if you don’t feel like you have insurmountable issues going on. Sometimes people engage in therapy for a few sessions simply to work through significant adjustment periods in life (and yes, most insurance companies cover therapy services for these needs, as well).”
3. Make Space for Quality Time with your Partner OUTSIDE of Wedding Planning
When you’re in the thick of wedding planning stress, sometimes it’s easy to forgot your “why.” When you’ve spent hours working and reworking your budget and the guest list seems like a daunting task you wish you could magically erase, it’s natural to feel disengaged. Spending precious time with your fiance will help you remember why you’re doing any of this in the first place. Never underestimate how quality time has the power to remind us of the awe-inspiring connection that can only be found with your forever love.
“Talk with your partner about “scheduled wedding talk time” and plan out when you will have wedding planning conversations and when you won’t. This can help create boundaries around feelings of overwhelm or obsessiveness.”
4. Prioritize Happiness Over Perfection
Despite what your mind likes to tell you, Happiness and Perfection are NOT connected. Even if something seems perfect, that doesn’t always mean that it’s what will make you the happiest. Just the same, the experts hope you will find comfort in knowing that true happiness is often found outside of perfection. Sometimes it’s the most imperfect things that are the most lovable. The imperfect things are what make life memorable. Special. When we are able to lift the ever-present expectation for “perfection” off of our wedding day, we are left with what really matters: real and honest love.
5. Vocalize Your Wedding Planning Expectations with Your Partner
At the end of the day it is important that we remind ourselves that even the most in-sync couples are not mind readers. Taking the time to vocalize your wedding planning expectations with your partner and what they want the process to look like speaks volumes. What do each of you see as important? What makes each partner the most anxious or overwhelmed? It is important for you and your fiance to be as open with one another as possible. Talking about this before the moment of overwhelm happens is key. Just the same, McKinley encourages the importance of verbal affirmation in the planning process. The simple act of telling your partner, “I appreciate the way you step up and notice when I am becoming overwhelmed” can mean so much.